CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His nipple licking is glorious
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