it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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