just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
