If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
