Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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