I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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