I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
