Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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