and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
