You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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