She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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