Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
