I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
