Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize