i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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