i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize