You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
