Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
