i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
