Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
