If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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