he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize