Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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