i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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