There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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