People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
