..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
