Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
