That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
