At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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