I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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