apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
