i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want her autograph on my taint
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
