so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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