bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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