All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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