Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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