I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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