Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
