so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
