If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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