isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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