Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
