I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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