HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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