Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize