i would punch a child for taco bell
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize