I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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