Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
