Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
