also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
