the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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