It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish I only lived at night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
two words...techno handjob
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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