I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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