it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
