Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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