he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
