Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
