Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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