I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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