I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
