I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
