I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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