People in love make me want to vomit
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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