it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We had to coat check the pizza.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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