He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
