god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
