btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
