I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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