Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
