i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize