I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
