I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
