I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
