i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
