I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
