I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
