dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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