I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
