we're making bets on your personal life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
