So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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