Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize