I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
