WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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