I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
