How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
