I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
