So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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