just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
