remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
