So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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