dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
