booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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