dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
