she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
