i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
