I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
