capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
