nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
