I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
